brain matters

brain matters.. .

you dont need to have experienced ECT
to wonder if youll ever recover — besides
youll never remember who you are
when you cant remember who you were

or think or feel
without shame

take it from me; they did.

but not my DIGNITY

no no no miss– NO ONE can take dignity from You

NOT FROM ANYONE and even if you want none, you cant just give it away, it’s dignity;

an oxy-moron. an unruly context. dignity is to learn again; it is to live.

embrace your Self and if it hurts~ scream like you mean it.

i do not intend to come ’round as trite ~

i am thinkin trippin trembling tears

my madness my morality my mind missing

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME

these words are my attempt to make sense of things of

things that make no sense. as if it were easy as that this

THING

this thing so shocking; this thing– it is dis-Ease. dissatisfaction

discomfort disillusionment despair dignity: you’ve lost trust not your Self

oh indifference!

my man-made madness!

feelings are not a moral issue; they may become a sad truth. a whole truth. and people–

people are funny machines and animals. my partner tells me its gonna all work out

i dont believe it, but i believe that he believes it, even if in angst; whence Laughter isnt Love

forgiving the person in the looking glass sounds easy. easy for those

who dont have to follow through. i just woke up from this Thing.

and this thing is my brain and my brain is on shock

what makes me different from any of you?

one shock wrecked my stepmum when a young 16

and, i discovered FUNNY THINGs. because things are not funny

and prior, my life truly was shocking; but at the hands of a greedy doctor

this life, its like a death. and people do die.. . even if only from who we once were.

sadness denial grief and ANGER implode– then somehow you let go

do your tethers fly loose, freeform, in the wind of change ?

change is constant as life and when you let go–

sometimes the tether stings your face

turn the other direction, aeileen,

and feel the sunshine

instead

Written for my friend Abdullah..

thankyou for your Wisdom;

and i might Finally understand Freedom

like your (non-vegetarian) pink cloud with rage

always … and Love… Shalam