holey SHIT he hates my presence and i beg him please, not now please dont be mean. its pointless. because *LOOK WHAT IVE DONE FOR YOU* its a vicious cycle, this. he doesnt think it hurts but it does. believe me. ohh which reminds me..i left my pomes at the pUb
closing or close
Hiking across the desert outside Cuidad Juarez
Please view my friend’s documentary..
“Hiking across the desert outside Cuidad Juarez”
Rachel takes a hike along the path where hundreds of women have been raped and murdered in Mexico, at night.
2008, Rachel V Ackland. Edited by Jeff Harrison.
happy birthday, brother
life is so changed
trick or treat (revisited, first person)
… so many factors of my world unknown. my synapsis overload
and went broken. “i wasnt thinking,” said they. …
when i was twenty i walked out or passed out in the middle of
a conversation. i was unaware of those around me. after a time
my friends couldnt be bothered; no, they were not offended,
not affected and i, not a clue. i miss space in my head.
i was then cocky; its who i am, said they.
and i got me in trouble. and trouble
left scars. scars you cant see.
except this one,
right here,
on my high cheekbone.
on a monday i left work in two hours
troubled, afraid; no one will say i was there
nor a kind lady who offered me a ride to doctor
i cant remember your face
you remembered my name.
i was just thirty-four; my mind went lost and
a hospital came next. cold veins i was so cold
CHTGHTG TGH TG CHTGH.
Carted. like the Dead and
walls were my life flashing before me, pale,
endless; an empty canvas carted through hollow hallways into and
out of elevators then lined up along a wall– wait! no one had toe-tags?
unknowing as cattle waiting for slaughter, us
i begged stop i begged please no
more NO.. . no more
i think i said no..
i struggled from the needle she weaved into my hand then wrist
and i did not want this at all. the blankets were cozy; warm
and lazy like Sunday. she couldnt find my veins; i was cold
and left full of holes. surgical lights blinded me and i can still
hear them talking, joking amongst each other, “Hello there,”
someone said. “Now count backwards…”
where? where from?? where are you?
i think i said no.
i could not escape time; i could not abscond
the sound.. SSSscHWWWWW.. The oxygen mask; it was
the breath of a devil i could not think of a word; i could
not think for myself. in seconds i lost years of my life
or did it leave me? my memory my mind my morality
lost within weeks after three days.
lost; i was driving. and i found my house.
i showed up at home after three days driving
only sixty miles from the day i left; i found my house
sixty miles away but i never thought id be found incompetant,
insane
and here i am
you are crazy.
am i crazy ?
i am not
crazy
Nor am i through!
i am not going to hurt my Self or You by thinking out loud
and loud is the voice; of beligerent denial; of insanity induced
treatment.
im told i talk too much but if you cant understand
what its like to be In Vain you will never know her
freedom. this is me, the vein of my story– my story
of me; and things i cant quite remember. and things
i wish i didnt know at all. yes i do.
and i know what it means now and i know i am a story i am a day
i am a life i am breathing i am awake and i am writing this down
i am doing this now because i know i’ll forget. and i will write
what i cant remember and i will write what i see and write
what i know and i know i am me. i will write ’till im dry
or until i am finished.
no one ever denied me the right to suffer
and by suffering my life is saved like Dust in a molded blanket.
i am a product of life; i am the dust from a day: i am 19th October
way back when love meant nothing and 9 months later — and again–
all of my years longer; i understand..
i know..
you werent ready for me.
……………………………………………..……………………………..…………………………
